When my neighbor got a heart attack everyone fussed over him. How can I have that?

We go through life encountering all sorts of obstacles, challenges, and endless attempts at recognition.

We have relatives, be it siblings or whatever, that get recognition and attention but for some reason it never comes our way.

So, because of our quest for attention, sympathy, or gossip about us, we strive for something that many people get and what many people do not get.

The one thing that comes up that we know for sure people will talk about is getting a heart attack.

What comes to mind in getting this ball rolling is to embark upon a train to Hell until our goal has been reached.

First and foremost we have to become fat or obese and if our metabolism will not permit that we have to do our best to restrict blood flow in our arteries to our heart.

Starting with day one we must consume flesh at every meal. We must eat it every day for breakfast lunch and dinner and keep a bowl full by the couch, recliner and bed for snacks.

Under no circumstances should you eat fruits, vegetables, whole grains, seeds, nuts and pure water.

Yes, there are idiot vegetarians or totally insane vegans out there that will try to lay the “compassion” card on us. But those creatures are fair game and that’s why they are there.

We hear from the meat industry that factory-farmed meat is the best, especially for our intestines, our heart, and the planet, whereas range-fed animals are too anemic to provide any benefits whatsoever.

We know the planet is getting over-crowed so why not do our best to make room for others? After all, living until fifty or sixty will extend social security and make it available for those sickos that think living to a ripe old age has merit. All it’s gonna do is put us in old age homes around horny wannabees that couldn’t do anything with what they’ve got anyway.

If after consuming all the flesh we can handle we find that our cholesterol levels are still too low, we gleefully add GMO dairy products and eggs from factory-farmed animals.

Jeez, the GMO dairy is loaded with growth hormones that will make us bigger and fatter and because one egg supplies more protein that our body actually needs or can process in one day and puts an enormous burden on our organs and digestive system, we will knowingly be speeding up our desired goal.

We also have to add, eat and absorb as much processed foods as possible. Where else can be find these essential synthetic chemicals and artificial flavors and additives to help break our system down faster?

The good news is that any vitamins, minerals or nutrients that may have been in the animals are long gone by the time we get to them due to the processing and whatever has been added is useless so there’s no need to be concerned about eating them.

And, with the dairy, it’s a blessing that raw, unpasteurized and unhomogonized dairy has been outlawed because despite ingesting stuff loaded with parasites, we’ll get plenty of antibiotics passed to us from the animals that need them badly.

No matter what else we eat it must be fried in margarine, lard or canola oil because when refined oils are heated to really high temperatures it will not clog your arteries despite what the vegan and vegetarian fanatics tell you. And don’t worry about the trans fats like hydrogenated oils. The tranies are the good guys because they will help you achieve you desired goal so much quicker.

We know that advertising, for the most part, is a scam. Things have to be told to you because it’s forced upon us by a corrupt government that wants you to believe they care about you even if you don’t pay taxes.

That being said, it is to your advantage to begin drinking alcohol as if it were water and to begin smoking. These two wonderful substances provide a genuine warmth for your heart and your organs and will help to reduce the blood supply to your heart so your goal can be achieved quicker and compassion and concern for you will be abundant so much faster.

When you shop in the supermarket let your eyes be in control. Reading ingredients is a waste of time. Just buy what’s in the most colorful package. And if you do read ingredients, buy what has the most because you’ll get more of the good stuff. Who in his or her right mind would buy a bag of potato chips that only listed potatoes, coconut oil, and sea salt as ingredients? For it to be good there should be at least as many ingredients as you have fingers and toes.

Exercise sucks. You sweat, you gasp for breath, you have to drink lots of water, and your upped heart rate can give you a headache. Be smart. Buy a bigger TV.

When you start feeling achy, take a pill. Look at what sacrifices the doctors have made for you. The go to college for four years, then medical school for four years, then do internship for at least two years, and finally open up their own practice. And if you reject what they have learned in those ten plus years of dispensing synthetic chemicals or wielding a sophisticated pocket knife, you are creating a grave insult to them and making the grave coming to you later than sooner, which defeats the purpose

Last but not least, hate as best you can. Don’t waste you time on friends. Think of the people that have achieved what you are striving for and hate them for it every minute of every day. Instead of meditation and solace, become envious and angry.

You’ll be amazed how that emotional turmoil will play into your physical upheaval and how your heart attack will be right around the corner.

But, first and foremost, you must start with a goal. Say for your height you should weigh 150 pounds. That is pure crappola. Shoot for 250 pounds as fast as you can. When you reach that goal, you should walk up a steep hill once a weak. It will, tax your heart so heavily that your desired heart attack will right around the corner and so many people will be concerned about you that you will now be able to live in complete bliss.

Under no circumstances should you even consider taking organic sulfur crystals, bee pollen or superfoods. They will only hinder the completion of your desired goal of bodily and mental destruction and reverse anything and everything that is wrong with you right now.

Aloha!

Sources:
www.elephantjournal.com
www.quora.com
www.jigsawhealth.com